right there

I have been noticing my breath a bit more lately- mad puffs peddling up Folsom hill (mountain) every morning, the often unnoticed breathing that moves the stomach instead of the chest, this deep inhale that happens right before I fall asleep on my back, clearing out all bad feelings and thoughts from the day. I am on a silent weekend journey, feeling my tongue on the back of shut teeth, recentering. Time to add breath.

Try it together? Sitting on the floor, cross-legged, close your eyes and with either hand, place your thumb on one side of your nose, forefinger on the other. With the right side closed, inhale through your left nostril- as deep as you can go, starting with the deepest areas of your stomach, all the way through the tops of your shoulders. Now block the left side, unblock the right and breath out, starting from the top and collapsing your lungs, diaphragm, stomach. On the same side, inhale again. When you are full, switch fingers and exhale on the left. This is one cycle.

At first, the mind yammers away- there are four things that need to go in the mail, stop by the DMV, buy a plane ticket, oh don't forget to get your bike looked at and see if you can call your sister- thinking, let it go.

Where is your breath? Are you counting?

A few cycles in, the awareness changes- there’s a bird outside, the trees as rustling. Thinking, let it go.

The back is tight on the left side, hair is still wet. Thinking, let it go.

There are white and yellow spots in front of closed eyes, thinking let it go.

Ears are ringing, the spots have become one big purple dot... something is whole… peace flows in.

Shhhh. It’s right here in front of you.

One step at a time, one task at a time. “Be like the squirrel girl, be like the squirrel”. We can juggle as humans, but are naturally limited in our abilities to hold too many things in mind at once. When my counselor asked what I do to handle tough moments, I surprised myself by saying... look at the backs of leaves. It’s right there in front of me. Getting lost in those little patterns of life-roads delivering nutrients, taking light, I get pulled inside my home- in the tiniest things in the universe.

Taking a hike last night with my friend Aaron, he reminded me that we are minds of the Universe, thinking about itself. What are those thoughts? Are they as big as the moon, rising red over the horizon?